Everyday

Early morning breaks like a shattered heart
The winds now know the feelings carried deep inside
Thoughts of flying away will not depart
Night closes in like trust broken between two
The moon cries hollow tears as the range of emotions collide
Dreams packed away not to be seen again
Forgetting hurt is never easy when happiness appears from a family new
Memories fade
Voice unchanged
And still love remains



- iamLAJ

elephants.....rachel yamagata

If the elephants have past lives 

yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream 
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool 

their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card

when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember

when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young 

then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips 

and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call 
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals 
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time 

or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds 

and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love 

keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger 

but keep one eye open at night

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

 

~William Ernest Henley

she is calling me...

...and i can't help but want to go her...i have loved her for what seems like ages and have longed to go back for her to tickle me with her intoxicating aura barely noticing my existence in her veins.
her mysticism....consuming
her reputation...inviting
i can't wait to see her again




-iamLAJ

moments in rockmart

today i left work early. because i could and wanted to and did.

i had to go to the grocery so i hit up walmart (i hate walmart but it's entertaining). if you should ever need to practice patience then please go shopping between the hours of 12-2 pm.

anyway, i wanted some beer but walmart didn't have any that appealed to my tastebuds. i head home, put up my groceries and take a nap. my beer craving is in full swing. so i head to ingles to see what they have. i'm scanning the beer selection and then it's like the most beautiful music i ever heard started playing. the lights got a bit brighter. life became even better than good. first, let me tell you how impressed i am with ingles. i'm impressed. they have....wait for it...fat tire. yes fat tire. i don't have to drive 20 miles to get a good beer anymore. i mean they have yuengling yes but fat tire...*sigh* fat tire is special. so i get me two six-packs and head to the checkout. well. it seems all the "special people" decide to go the grocery between 4-5 pm. i'm standing in the self checkout waiting for everyone to figure out..well self checkout. so i hear someone speaking in my general direction so i look over and say "excuse me?"

first, let me give you a description of these individuals. i usually see them walking everywhere. i mean everywhere. i once saw them walking to rome which is about 18 miles away.
second, they are dressed rather uniquely....picture the clothes you would normally see on the side of the road and put that together as a wardrobe....
third, hygiene may be lacking.

back to the story. "excuse me?"
the lady says with a mouthful of popcorn, "what's that?"
me: "what's what?"
the lady pointing to my beer: "that?"
i grin: "beer."
the lady: "oh, beer." pause "i didn't know they made fat free beer."
i am dying inside.
me: "no, it's fat tire."




-iamLAJ

moments in rockmart

small town life has its advantages. for instance, everyone knows everybody. even if you are the new person in town everyone knows who you are. but that's not what i'm talking about. the advantage i see in a small town is the humor. it's everywhere. i mean i grew up in a small town and somehow ended up in a small town. so much for big city dreams. but anyway. i thought i would do little segments called "moments in rockmart" since i've had quite a few living here. this is real stuff. no embellishments needed. i cannot make stuff like this up.
this first one happened last week at mcdonald's.

i'm headed down to stone mountain to watch lydia's soccer game. i was hungry so i decided to hit mickey d's up. as i'm about to turn into the order thing a li'l elderly man driving a relatively new element cuts me off. ok. no worries. i didn't hear what he ordered but heard the drive-thru person say "your total is $2.03 please drive to the first window."
he doesn't move.
a few seconds later i hear him say "a hamburger and 2 apple pies."
girl at the window "yes sir, i got your order. your total is $2.03. please pull to the first window."
he still doesn't move.
a few more seconds later i hear "A HAMBURGER AND 2 APPLE PIES!"
girl at the window. "yes sir, please pull to the first window."
a few seconds go by and he starts to drive. but he doesn't stop at the first window he keeps going. i hear the girl at the window "SIR! SIR! RIGHT HERE!"
he kept driving.
i cannot stop laughing!
the girl starts to speak over the intercom and i can tell she's giggling and trying to hold it together. i'm just trying to get my order out.
so i pull up to the window. the girl and i just look at each other and start cracking up. i don't want to say anything bad about our elderly citizens because they are very dear to me.
but i say "this is one of those times where bless his heart is appropriate."




-iamLAJ

the oasis of my mind

most of these writings come from restlessness and seem to have a theme of ambivalence and solitude...guess that's what i revert to sometimes.

the oasis of my mind

seduced thoughts rising above the weight of exhaustion wearing the crown of ambivalence, the majesty of an eccentric desert so vast in solitude that if i dare cross it

i shall perish

swept away in some mirage that nourishes inner simplicity

it is there i knock down another wall so i may crawl to the depths of me

reaching the hole of recognition that invites me to swim in the sea of forgetfulness and rinse away the dead tormented skin

in the oasis of my mind i touch a nonexistent peace that comforts my departure of the eluding present, the charmless past and the unfathomable future

it is here i see my reflection to discover i was looking into my own eyes

lj
04.16.00

sharing

so i thought i might share a bit of my writing today. wasn't sure which one. then i just decided to open one of my books and whatever page it opened up to then that would be the one. here it is:

some place where

this day carry me some place where

i'm no longer isolated by my own unrelenting solitude that seems to invade my emotions so bitterly that i cannot sense another feeling other than

ambivalence

this day take me some place where

i'm no longer cornered by my own cowardly emotions that seems to corrupt my thoughts so deceivingly that i cannot believe another word other than

breathe

this day abandon me some place where

i'm no longer threatened by my own bastardy thoughts that seems to annihilate my soul so convincingly that i cannot control another object other than

tears

this day release me some place where

i'm no longer scared by my own inescapable soul that seems to devastate my solitude so

easily that i cannot begin another love other than

you

this day let me go some place

away

from

here

lj

12.29.02